OK, here's the thing about the description of my blog (above) -- I'm not yet ordained. I graduated from seminary four years ago and have remained an approved candidate for ministry. Because I wanted a part-time call, and because I wanted to stay where we are so DH could remain gainfully employed, a suitable call has not come up. Now things are desperate, in part b/c of our finances, in part b/c I want to know if I can really lead a congregation. There are just no calls in my area.
I have two visions: one is of me leading a small congregation, helping them grow in their spiritual vitality and sense of mission and purpose; the other is of my kids growing up, attending the school down the street from us, my husband and I turning our house into a nice small home project by project. It's becoming increasingly evident that these are mutually exclusive visions. I don't know which to choose. Giving up the call to ordained ministry would be the easiest -- I could just get a job. But it feels like such a waste of time and money -- and it doesn't feel quite right. To get a call it seems like I'll have to move, and that creates great fear and anxiety when I think about moving and selling the house, not to mention sadness for disrupting my children's lives. (DD is just getting ready to enter Kindergarten.) I really don't know what to do.
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